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Aunt Karen
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral
at the end of it. The next day the kids came back
and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have
a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were
taking our eggs to market in a basket on the
front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in
the road and all the eggs went flying and broke
and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the
teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good, " said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise
chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen
eggs one time, but when they hatched we only
got ten live chicks. And the moral to this
story is, don't count your chickens until
they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Michael do you
have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story
about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight
engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and
all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine
gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the
way down so it wouldn't break and then she
landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun
until she ran out of bullets, then she killed
twenty more with the machete till the blade
broke and then she killed the last ten with
her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher,
"what kind of moral did your daddy tell you
from that horrible story?"

"Don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."