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During the Great Depression, a man walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the
bartender and said, "I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks." The bartender said,
"That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money
first." The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. The bartender
can't believe his eyes and asked: "Where did you get all that money?"

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such
thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "For example, I'll bet you $50 that I can
bite my right eye."

The bartender thought about it and said, "Okay." So, the guy pulls out his false right
eye and bites it.

"Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye," said
the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I watched
you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his
left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again."

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch
in lieu of the $50," said the man. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent
the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.

After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy,
drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I
can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf
behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on
two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on."

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place.
He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal. You owe me
$500!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in
the card room $100 each that I could piss all over you and the bar, and still make you
laugh!"

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